MARRIED AS A CHILD…

Married as a child… if I get married at the age of 10, or maybe 8, or 6, or even 3…what’s that? Would I still be called? - a child? Would I have been said to have a childhood?

Married as a child... if the society I happen to be part of or the leaders my parents or those older than me trusted to bring modesty and order to the society, end up been the ones legally giving me out to be married as child, would there be hope for others coming after me? Would we still have a generation for children? It’s more likely we’ll start having adults thrown down to earth rather than have children.

I mean, define it yourself. A child getting married? She aint a child no more; a child carry a pregnancy? That’s no child; a child giving birth to a child or even children? Is she still a child? And what makes it worse is that the society doesn’t care anymore. 

Do you know what it means to be a child? It means that I get to live and act in ignorance. Ignorance is a whole lot of bliss for a child. It means I don’t need to worry because (by right) I have people to do the worrying for me. I don’t need to act or live mature, because by nature, I’m not meant for the adult things or situations. This is childhood; this is the joy of a child. So, why rob her of her privilege? Why rob her of this joy and bliss and laughter with her peers? Not just that, but these kids become exposed to insanity, low self esteem, diseases and even death; it means this child is robbed of LIFE…

We talk of a globalized world; we talk of a world or society with so much literacy and wealth, and so much on how the girl-child should be educated and equipped…we’ve not cleaned up these issues yet, and we stand to say she can be married at whatever age… Aren’t we going back to the period and age of grave illiteracy and poverty? What can a child have to pass on to a child she birth when she wasn’t allowed to learn hers? When did politics and religion become a tool used to mess up a child’s life? This is abuse. This implies that the society is legalizing Child Sexual Abuse…

By creation, a child has got the right to live; by nature, a child has got the right to play and learn in their world of ignorance; by societal standards, a child has got every right to be protected and provided for. Why should my beloved country try to rob this child of these rights and much more?

Please, our leaders, as we decide over the fate of our children (these sweet little ones), bear in mind that they have being given the right to live and act in ignorance and enjoy its bliss long before we all existed; bear in mind that if you had being robbed of your childhood joys you probably might have been long gone or living with so much trauma and that implies that you won’t have been occupying those seats. These children are our tomorrow; it’s our responsibility to guard and guide them. It’s our responsibility to let them enjoy their innocence till they are matured enough (physically, emotionally, psychologically etc). 

IT’S NEVER A CRIME TO BE A CHILD! IT’S NEVER A CRIME TO BE A CHILD! NO, NO, NO, IT’S NEVER A CRIME TO BE A CHILD!!!

Art Thou???

Sure you might be wondering if I’ve chosen to go Shakespearean today…far from it. The matter wey dey chok me for liver no be small issue. I’ve come to realize that at the mention of sexual abuse everybody thinks RAPE. Sorry to cast your thoughts away, it aint just rape. Read these short stories. 

Titi is 5 years old; she has a favourite Uncle (Uncle Sam) who she loves playing with. Whenever he comes around he buys gifts for her, this act really made her feel loved. Uncle Sam on the other hand always seizes the moment to touch Titi on sensitive spots whenever she shows appreciation by hugging him. This he did in order to arouse her, and gradually he grew into fingering her, and not been sure of what was taking place, she enjoyed it. Until he grew further into sleeping with her at the age of 7. She could tell no one because she believed she let it happen. 

 

Princess lost her Dad when she was 8 years old. She survived the hardship and struggles of life alongside her mum and her brother, till she was 10 when her mum decided to re-marry. Her step-dad was in the act of slapping her buttocks and boobs, and whenever she tried speaking out, he hit her hard. When she was 12, he tried sleeping with her; she tried hard to save herself, he threatened to kill her younger brother who was 8 years old.  She was scared for her brother’s life, she decided to give in. she told her mum, her step-dad denied and even beat her up.  She told her aunty in school; but no one believed her.

Funke and David (not siblings but similar story), aged 7 and 10 years respectively, both had teenage brothers around ages 15 and 18. These teenage brothers were in the habit of watching pornography of which they made their younger ones watch. Today, Funke and David, now 19 and 22 years old, are porn addicts and are finding it real hard to quit.

Lydia, sweet beautiful teenager of 13 years, was constantly been watched by her cousin (Paul), who enjoyed watching her when she had her bath and when she dressed up. She caught him severally but he claimed it to be a mistake and was only passing by (could he possibly be passing by even into her room?)

Tender Josh lived only 9 months. When he was 8 months old, his grand-father inserted his manhood into his mouth. Josh fed on this for days without his mother’s knowledge (Mom thought “besides, grand-dad is around, he can’t possibly do Josh wrong”). Josh fell ill and all grand-dad’s sins came to life on a fateful day when he was in the act. Josh died few days later.

These are but few stories….

Sexual abuse isn’t just rape, but every bad touch (slaps and touch on sensitive areas), fingering, been made to watch porn, been watched while bathing or dressing and lots more.

And the perpetrators of these acts are usually people we know and trust. Statistics says 50% are family members; 40% are people we trust and know well but are not related to; while 10% are strangers.

And more people are being abused each day. Statistics says 1 out of every 3 girls, and 1 out of every 6 boys will be abused before their 18th birthday. 

From all that has been said, you just might discover that you’ve been abused or just might be abusing someone; NOW that’s why silence shouldn’t be your response to this. BREAK THE SILENCE and stop this monster!!!

you! yes, you! don't stay silent

Cos I Trusted

 

One of the beautiful things that add colour to life is relationship; our relationships with family, friends, colleagues, generally, the people we come across. Our relationships become even more worthwhile when we commit ourselves and trust ourselves; what an excitement it is when we love. 

But unfortunately, within the walls of relationships, our trust and commitments are been abused.

The thoughts of a child…

I loved you, I trusted you;

I felt safe in your arms,

I gave you those bright eyes and beautiful smile to show that I appreciated and valued our relationship.

Whenever you came around, I gave you open arms and laughed at every tickle.

How would I have known you would do wrong to my body?

Why did you throw my love to the dogs?

Why did you smash my trust on the walls?

For my trust and love…

You robbed me of my pride;                                                  

My confidence;

My Joy;

My dreams and Hopes;

I even stopped loving myself…

“Sexual Abuse is a betrayal of a relationship that was once trustworthy. And real healing can only take place in the context of a relationship that is again safe, understanding and trustworthy” (Dan Gottlieb).

Have you been abused, or you know one who has been abused, there’s one relationship I can guarantee; it’s very safe, and healing lies therein; that relationship is with Jesus. Just take that first step of having a love life with Jesus; He will lead you through the process of healing and, eventually liberation. For others out there, don’t abuse the trust and love others have shown you… SHOW THEM LOVE TOO; build a relationship that is safe.

What A Crime!!!

What have I done?

Have I done wrong?

Should I be held responsible?

A perpetrator, I’m not

It wasn’t my fault

A crime that fully exists,

Affecting lives full of worth,

Yet the laws of the land don’t see,

Yet the laws of the land can’t punish,

Yet this crime keeps punishing lives.

Lives full of potentials have been wiped out;

Lives full of freams have been diminished;

Lives full of visions have gone blind;

Lives full of worth have been evaporated.

A crime where the victim, not the perpetrator,

Goes on trial for the rest of its life.

A trial that courts can’t comprehend.

A trial not commensed in the four walls of a building,

But in the circular walls of the mind.

A trial that causes anarchy of the mind,

A destruction of the soul,

It’s a wheel that carries the emotion of the soul

On a fast lane without a hold

It has caused a civil war of the mind.

The once worthful life has been made worthless;

A life that seems like cabbage on the inside;

A life that is worse than a filthy garment;

A life that has long stopped believing in love;

All it sees are fears, hurts, pains, and chaos.

Can there be a liberating experience for this life?

Can there be healing for this soul?

What a Crime!!!

Its Children's day...i really would want to remember my fun days as a child; the nursery ryhmes we sang, the games we played (some with the cork of soft drinks, some with bicycle wheels and sticks..), the meals we cooked with weeds and sand in empty tins, the plays we acted...where we had to act mummy and daddy roles, the debates we had...in which we had to 'convince and not confuse' people...(laughing); very lovely and stress free moments. 

But in trying to enjoy these memories, i was hit hard by a story of another abused kid early hours of this morning. She had to run away from home yesterday because her father who has been sexually abusing her for the past 3 years wanted abusing her yesterday again... I can't hold back my pain. 

For 3 years now, can you imagine her pain?She can't have fun like other kids...her father has stolen her 'joys of childhood'. 'is it a crime to be a child?'.., 'is it a crime that as a child,i don't have strength or words to fight for myself?'..,'is it a child's fault that he/she was born in the family he/she was born into?'.., as i picture my days of childhood, i can't help but run down tears for this child who can't have a worry-free and problem-free beginning.

I remember my prayers as a child; i always thanked God for my parents and my siblings, and i prayed that he should provide for my parents so that i could enjoy it...(what sweet and 'wahala-free' prayer..), but can you imagine the prayer of this child?...'she wonders if abuse was the reason God made her'...'she regrets coming out from her mum's belly...she wished she died at birth'... For her,babies who left the world before they ever saw it, are the most fortunate...Please,can you pray for children like her today?

 Please,while you play with children today to help them feel good, don't forget to give a hand or ears to one who needs it (there's is definately one beside you).