QUESTIONS

Some time ago, I had the privilege of talking with over fifty young girls on child sexual abuse and issues revolving it. These girls had so much innocence.., some had curiosity written in their eyes.  It felt really good to have that talk. While I spoke, I could see the pain in the eyes of some…, I could feel some had fears locked up in them that they found difficulties expressing. 

Now, here is the part that got me really thinking, after the entire talk, a young girl of about 14 years old, walked up to me and said she wanted asking me some questions. She asked “why would a father sleep with his daughter?”; she said she knew of a case where a brother abused his sister and she got pregnant, she said “what will they tell the child?” she was so transparent I could read her thoughts; her eyes were so deep, I could see the pain, I could see she needed answers to so many questions… I was tongue-tied because deep within me, I sought answers for these questions and even questions that go beyond sexual abuse.

Children/people are asking questions; they can’t seem to fathom certain horrors (neither can I). Victims of Sexual abuse want to break free but don’t know how and are wondering why they became victims in the first place; why it had to be them; porn has held many young lads hostage, they want to know the way to freedom, to liberty; People who are tied to poverty and are wondering if they could find their next meal or shelter for the night; people have heartaches and wonder when the nightmares will cease…,

As much as I believe in a new tomorrow, I can’t pretend not to be scared of it either; are our kids going to be safe? With so much horrors around now, what would it look like tomorrow? Then this poverty – it seems to keep building up like a “skyscraper”, and I’m wondering when it’s going to crumble. And With the older generation saying it was better in their days than it is in my days (even with the fight for independence, the civil war, riots in the 1900s etc). I look at things presently; I earnestly pray not to tell my kids “it was better in my days”. 

For me, what gives me courage, what gives me strength to even put this together, what keeps me going is Jesus. I can’t live any day without His hope in my heart; I can’t live through the nights and mornings without His arms holding me. I might not have answers to all the questions you ask or the ones I ask, but I have Jesus; He holds my tomorrow. He tells me “Joy, walk with me; I’ll guide and keep you – one step at a time”. 

Are you asking questions; you’re pondering and having heartaches about your situation; you’re wondering when and how you can come out of it; I don’t know any better place or person who could help. I just know the best – JESUS. He has done it for me, He is doing it for me, and He has assured me that He’ll keep doing it for me. Why not try Him today?

I Learned to Swear by Pam Vap

I learned to swear
twenty minutes before my first child was born.
Since then, it's been a handy habit
to have around, and I expect God
to turn his head. After all,
he owes me one. It's a trick
to make babies look so good.

The truth is they leak.
And of all horrors, they grow.

They only speak whine;
they cry and complain and wipe snot
on their sleeves. They spill dinner.
They stir pasta into their milk cups
and squish spinach between their teeth.
They eat crayons and toothpaste.
They call constantly. They call
constantly. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mo-om.

They inhale money, bang down stairs,
and store dirty socks and sandwich crusts
like hidden treasures in their closets.
They lipstick walls; they swallow marbles.
They break things.

Yet, God (no doubt in his wisdom) has ordained
that these crude creatures
should sleep incognito:
gentle
quiet
warm.

I am fooled easily.

Each night as I tuck covers around them
and bend to kiss their sweet, sleepy faces,
I don't care that they used
all the silverware in the garden.

Let's fill the house with angels,
I whisper to my husband
as I slip between the sheets.


I came across this poem this morning, and the first thing that ran through my mind was "God really made children beautiful", and then i wondered, "why should men make a monster of these kids by abusing them? why should men deprive them of the confidence and freedom God blessed them with?"
Please parents, look out for your children; be sensitive to their needs and cries; never assume that they are okay. The senses and lips of kids concerning abuse are never lies. please, guard them with all you can and have, and above all, pray for them always. 


I guess i'll work towards putting down an article(s) relating to how you can tell if your kid has been abused.  

MARRIED AS A CHILD…

Married as a child… if I get married at the age of 10, or maybe 8, or 6, or even 3…what’s that? Would I still be called? - a child? Would I have been said to have a childhood?

Married as a child... if the society I happen to be part of or the leaders my parents or those older than me trusted to bring modesty and order to the society, end up been the ones legally giving me out to be married as child, would there be hope for others coming after me? Would we still have a generation for children? It’s more likely we’ll start having adults thrown down to earth rather than have children.

I mean, define it yourself. A child getting married? She aint a child no more; a child carry a pregnancy? That’s no child; a child giving birth to a child or even children? Is she still a child? And what makes it worse is that the society doesn’t care anymore. 

Do you know what it means to be a child? It means that I get to live and act in ignorance. Ignorance is a whole lot of bliss for a child. It means I don’t need to worry because (by right) I have people to do the worrying for me. I don’t need to act or live mature, because by nature, I’m not meant for the adult things or situations. This is childhood; this is the joy of a child. So, why rob her of her privilege? Why rob her of this joy and bliss and laughter with her peers? Not just that, but these kids become exposed to insanity, low self esteem, diseases and even death; it means this child is robbed of LIFE…

We talk of a globalized world; we talk of a world or society with so much literacy and wealth, and so much on how the girl-child should be educated and equipped…we’ve not cleaned up these issues yet, and we stand to say she can be married at whatever age… Aren’t we going back to the period and age of grave illiteracy and poverty? What can a child have to pass on to a child she birth when she wasn’t allowed to learn hers? When did politics and religion become a tool used to mess up a child’s life? This is abuse. This implies that the society is legalizing Child Sexual Abuse…

By creation, a child has got the right to live; by nature, a child has got the right to play and learn in their world of ignorance; by societal standards, a child has got every right to be protected and provided for. Why should my beloved country try to rob this child of these rights and much more?

Please, our leaders, as we decide over the fate of our children (these sweet little ones), bear in mind that they have being given the right to live and act in ignorance and enjoy its bliss long before we all existed; bear in mind that if you had being robbed of your childhood joys you probably might have been long gone or living with so much trauma and that implies that you won’t have been occupying those seats. These children are our tomorrow; it’s our responsibility to guard and guide them. It’s our responsibility to let them enjoy their innocence till they are matured enough (physically, emotionally, psychologically etc). 

IT’S NEVER A CRIME TO BE A CHILD! IT’S NEVER A CRIME TO BE A CHILD! NO, NO, NO, IT’S NEVER A CRIME TO BE A CHILD!!!

Art Thou???

Sure you might be wondering if I’ve chosen to go Shakespearean today…far from it. The matter wey dey chok me for liver no be small issue. I’ve come to realize that at the mention of sexual abuse everybody thinks RAPE. Sorry to cast your thoughts away, it aint just rape. Read these short stories. 

Titi is 5 years old; she has a favourite Uncle (Uncle Sam) who she loves playing with. Whenever he comes around he buys gifts for her, this act really made her feel loved. Uncle Sam on the other hand always seizes the moment to touch Titi on sensitive spots whenever she shows appreciation by hugging him. This he did in order to arouse her, and gradually he grew into fingering her, and not been sure of what was taking place, she enjoyed it. Until he grew further into sleeping with her at the age of 7. She could tell no one because she believed she let it happen. 

 

Princess lost her Dad when she was 8 years old. She survived the hardship and struggles of life alongside her mum and her brother, till she was 10 when her mum decided to re-marry. Her step-dad was in the act of slapping her buttocks and boobs, and whenever she tried speaking out, he hit her hard. When she was 12, he tried sleeping with her; she tried hard to save herself, he threatened to kill her younger brother who was 8 years old.  She was scared for her brother’s life, she decided to give in. she told her mum, her step-dad denied and even beat her up.  She told her aunty in school; but no one believed her.

Funke and David (not siblings but similar story), aged 7 and 10 years respectively, both had teenage brothers around ages 15 and 18. These teenage brothers were in the habit of watching pornography of which they made their younger ones watch. Today, Funke and David, now 19 and 22 years old, are porn addicts and are finding it real hard to quit.

Lydia, sweet beautiful teenager of 13 years, was constantly been watched by her cousin (Paul), who enjoyed watching her when she had her bath and when she dressed up. She caught him severally but he claimed it to be a mistake and was only passing by (could he possibly be passing by even into her room?)

Tender Josh lived only 9 months. When he was 8 months old, his grand-father inserted his manhood into his mouth. Josh fed on this for days without his mother’s knowledge (Mom thought “besides, grand-dad is around, he can’t possibly do Josh wrong”). Josh fell ill and all grand-dad’s sins came to life on a fateful day when he was in the act. Josh died few days later.

These are but few stories….

Sexual abuse isn’t just rape, but every bad touch (slaps and touch on sensitive areas), fingering, been made to watch porn, been watched while bathing or dressing and lots more.

And the perpetrators of these acts are usually people we know and trust. Statistics says 50% are family members; 40% are people we trust and know well but are not related to; while 10% are strangers.

And more people are being abused each day. Statistics says 1 out of every 3 girls, and 1 out of every 6 boys will be abused before their 18th birthday. 

From all that has been said, you just might discover that you’ve been abused or just might be abusing someone; NOW that’s why silence shouldn’t be your response to this. BREAK THE SILENCE and stop this monster!!!

you! yes, you! don't stay silent